Thursday, May 20, 2010

Here's My Life

So I don't have anything too much different to say than my last post, but I thought I should write a little something since I may not have any access to my blog while I am in Kenya.

The "theme" of my summer is definitely going to be faith. I have made it a point to wake up every morning and hand my life over to the Lord because I am tired. One thing that I have learned over the past 22 years is that I really suck at controlling my life. I pick the wrong guys, the wrong places to go, the wrong people to hang out with, and inevitably, the wrong path. Luckily, I don't have to worry about that any more. Even in these 2 short weeks that I have remained disciplined each morning in denying myself, I have seen a drastic change. From my love life, to my future plans and Africa, there is nothing else I can do. I have done my absolute best to put myself in a place where I have choices that will allow me to glorify Him, now it is the Lord that will take the reigns and take me to the place where I can best serve Him.

People keep asking me if I am scared. I keep getting reminded not only of the safety issues in Africa, but also of change. I am constantly reminded that I am leaving for 3 months while all of my closest friends are staying together and growing in Christ together. So I guess what they are really wanting to know is if I am scared to lose the bonds between certain people and myself. The answer to that is yes, I am terrified. I am terrified that when we all get back into the real world, we will not recognize each other. I am terrified that we are leaving things unsaid because we assume we will see each other again. I am terrified that the Lord will ask me to stay in Africa (hence my indecisiveness). But most of all, I am terrified that we will remain unchanged.

As a lot of you know, my sister is in the Peace Corps. She had to deal with the same issues before she left....however her situation was more legit and dramatic because she was leaving for 2 years, not just 3 months. But she went anyways. And she is seeing changes in herself and in some of the people that she left behind that hurt her. Everyone is growing...separately. But one of the things I admire her the most for is her faith. She left for 2 years. She left her family, her friends, a boy, her car, her house, air conditioning, American food...you name it, she left it behind. She had the strength to do this because she knew it was what she was meant to do. She was made and created to serve and that is exactly what she is doing.

So...yes, I am scared. Not for my safety, but for my heart...for all of our hearts. But I know that I am on the right path. I am serving the Lord, my redeemer...how can I go wrong? I just pray that we all remember each other and continue to pray for each other. I also pray that we all allow ourselves to be transformed again and again to better serve our Father...no matter the cost.


Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

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